Make it happen

          I gained over 50 pounds while pregnant with Ben and after the initial post-partum loss, still had 30 pounds to lose to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight.  But my eating habits hadn't changed since giving birth; I still wanted to eat double helpings at every meal and full batches of no-bake cookies (or anything made from a combination of chocolate and peanut butter).  Sometimes I would get new clothes and think I was looking not too terrible when I saw myself in the mirror.  But when I saw myself in pictures, I couldn't believe how fat I looked!  It made me feel disgusted with myself, and I started thinking about it all the time.  In fact, I spent almost all of my time thinking about things that I needed to change or improve on in my life.  Not just my weight, but several different areas of personal improvement.  Going to bed earlier, waking up early to exercise, reading my scriptures, having family prayer and personal prayer, not constantly trashing the house, planning the week's meals in advance...I started driving myself to madness with thoughts of how I needed to start or stop various behaviors, but never actually made any changes.
         Then while visiting teaching one of my friends in August, the conversation turned to our personal spirituality habits, and we all shared a mutual confession that we were failing at them.  I told my friends that every Sunday during church, I'd listen to the talks and lessons and think to myself about how I was gonna go home and start the new week off doing better with this or that.  Then every week would just go the same as the week before...I'd go home and fall right back into my same ways of doing things.  My friends both exclaimed that they did the same thing, and we all seemed to be comforted at finding ourselves in the same (sinking) boat.  But I really was not.  I found it bothersome that we were all failing to bring our good intentions to fruition.  I felt strongly that it was time to stop thinking about these things and just make them happen.
          Elder Packer said, "The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior." I needed to improve my behavior, and reading the scriptures regularly would be a big improvement, and according to his statement, would bring about other improvements.  I decided that day at visiting teaching that I would start reading, that I would really make it happen.  I began reading The Book of Mormon that night, and I've been reading some of it every night since then.  I made it a habit.
           About that same time, I decided to make some major changes to my eating habits, another plan to improve that had existed only in my imagination for some time.  Never in the past have I been successful at changing my eating habits for the better, but I was ready to change my life.  So I did it, I made it happen. I set a goal to lose 25 pounds by Thanksgiving, and would abstain from any sweet treats or desserts as one means to that end.  In the last six weeks I've lost 15 pounds by staying in control of what I eat.  It has been difficult, but exciting, and in the midst of it I stop and say to myself, "I'm changing my life!" It's a fortifying affirmation.